Emotions often feel very complicated, so it is helpful to remember that our emotions help us take action in a situation, direct our attention to a need that we have, and then help us communicate that need to those around us.

Traditional treatment approaches often focus on identifying and addressing weaknesses or deficits, but a strengths-based approach to therapy can be an effective alternative for helping clients reach their goals.

Understanding the “need” of an emotion can be a challenging task, but it is an important one if we wish to resolve those feelings. Developing a greater understanding of why we feel certain emotions, and what they are trying to tell us or get us to pay attention to, can help us better manage our feelings and make healthier decisions in our lives. Here are three tips on how to figure out the “need” of your emotion:

1. Identify and Label Your Emotion – The first step towards understanding your emotional need is identifying which emotion you are feeling in the moment; whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, or joy for example. Once you have identified which feeling you are experiencing, try to name it out loud or write down what exactly that feels like for you at this moment, so that you can start unpacking its meaning further. It is more effective to say, “I am feeling _____” (e.g. angry, sad, guilty), rather than saying, “I am ____” (e.g. angry, sad, guilty).

2. Analyze What Triggered It – After recognizing your current state of mind take a few moments to think about what might have triggered this particular emotional reaction from within yourself. Was there something that someone said or did? Or maybe something happened recently that could have contributed to this feeling? How are you interpreting the situation? How did others around you react when you experienced this feeling? By analyzing potential triggers and impacts behind each emotion we become more aware of ourselves, as well as those around us who may also be affected by these reactions too!

3. Explore How You Can Meet That Need – Every single feeling has a purpose, and often times reflects unmet needs inside ourselves, such as a need to connect with others, safety/security, and boundaries. For example, we often feel angry when we believe that we are being blocked in our pursuit of a goal, so we can ask ourselves: What am I seeking in this moment, and what do I feel like is blocking me or getting in my way from reaching it? Take time to explore ways how to best meet this need, which often involved taking some kind of action. For example, we might notice that we are feeling sad, and have an unmet need for healing and care – even though our initial instinct may have been to shut down or isolate. By taking action to get ourselves some healing and care (e.g. connecting with a friend, asking someone for support, rekindling a personal passion or hobby) when we are feeling sad, we are more likely to resolve the feeling of sadness.

Following these steps will not only help us understand our own emotional responses better, but also help us manage our emotions and relate more effectively with those around us. Understanding our emotional needs helps build stronger relationships between individuals while creating deeper levels empathy and compassion. At Sage & Anchor we help our clients become fluent in the language of feelings, so that they can better understand and appreciate the range of their emotional responses.