One thing that can help us better support our teens is understanding defense mechanisms and how to recognize them in our teenagers.

As we shared in Part 1, defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies that our minds use to protect us from uncomfortable or painful emotions. While defense mechanisms can be helpful in the short term, they can also be harmful if they become the primary way our teens cope with difficult emotions. So, as parents and caregivers, it is crucial to recognize these defense mechanisms and help our teens find healthier ways to cope.

Here are some of common defense mechanisms we highlighted last week, and some strategies for supporting your teen:

1. Denial: Denial is when someone refuses to accept or acknowledge a painful reality, and it can manifest as ignoring or downplaying a problem, even when it is evident to others. As parents, it is essential to listen to our teenagers and validate their feelings, even if we may not agree with the behavior. Instead of dismissing their concerns, we can help them face the reality and find ways to cope with it. This can begin by sharing our own concerns and reasons why we think it will be helpful to discuss the issue.

As parents, we can help our teens understand that it is okay to make mistakes and that they do not need to justify their actions.

2. Projection: Projection is when someone attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to others, and is often a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. As parents, we can help our teens become more self-aware by asking them to reflect on their behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions can also help them actively develop healthier coping strategies.

3. Rationalization: Rationalization is when someone justifies their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to make them seem more acceptable, as a way to avoid feeling guilty or ashamed. As parents, we can help our teens understand that it is okay to make mistakes and that they do not need to justify their actions. Instead, we can focus on finding solutions and learning from their mistakes.

4. Repression: Repression is when someone blocks out painful or traumatic memories or feelings, which can ultimately lead to mood swings, anxiety, and/or depression. As parents, it is crucial to create a safe and open environment for our teens to express their feelings. We can also encourage them to talk to a trusted adult or therapist if they are struggling to cope or seem to have trouble adjusting to new stressors.

We all have defense mechanisms, and this is not just a “teen” problem. Even when we feel like we have created the most safe and supportive environment, it is highly likely that we will see defense mechanisms in play – including our own coming up! Try not to be discouraged; this is a natural and normal part of human development. If you have concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out to us at Sage & Anchor, and we can plan some strategies together.